Stamp Go! Stamp Hit!:
Beyond the Dark Portal
- --by Stamp
These stories take place after the New Adventures of Stamp...
- 1 No. 1 (Shiny)
- 2 No. 2 (Word From Home)
- 3 No. 3 (Metal Shaping)
- 4 No. 4 (Catch of the Day)
- 5 No. 5 (Starstuff)
- 6 No. 6 (In the Jungle)
- 7 No. 7 (In the Temple)
- 8 No. 8 (The Week Before)
- 9 No. 9 (At World's End)
- 10 No. 10 (Outside the Temple and Back at World's End)
- 11 No. 11 (The Arkodakobenant)
- 12 No. 12 (The Glowy Red Line)
- 13 No. 13 (Lucky Day)
- 14 No. 14 (Island in the Sky)
- 15 No. 15 (The Shaft)
- 16 No. 16 (The Map Room)
- 17 No. 17 (Well of the Scholls)
- 18 No. 18 (Albino Gnome Brawl)
- 19 No. 19 (In the Dark)
- 20 No. 20 (New Perspective)
- 21 No. 21 (Never Too Late)
No. 1 (Shiny)[edit | edit source]
Stamp ride Growlflap through sky from shrieky-shouty gobble town of Area 52 to floaty belf sky island Tempest Keep. Stamp meet Stamp clan friends Grushnak, Krangloth, Meotropicus, and Ilemnemis. Stamp clan friends want Stamp to take hits in clanky-foompy Mechanar. Stamp like to hit and hit and hit! But Stamp clan friends need Stamp to take hits, so Stamp take hits. Stamp take out thumpy hammer and take-hitter shield. Grushnak laugh at Stamp thumpy hammer. Stamp grunt. Stamp not got best hit-and-hit for take-hitting.
Stamp take hit and hit and hit from clanky-zappy mech thingies. Stamp take hit and hit and hit from yelpy-floofy belfs. Stamp take hit and hit and hit and hit from roary-burny demon thingies. Stamp take hit and hit and hit from klunky-poundy mech thingies.
Stamp think Stamp do okay! Stamp clan friends do okay too.
Stamp find shiny new cut and cut. Grushnak not laugh at new cut and cut. Grushnak tell Stamp new cut and cut good for take hits. Stamp also find new flappy-flappy cloak and hit-and-hit trinket!
Stamp not grumpy.
Stamp fly Growlflap to Shattrath City. Stamp go through swirly-whooshy portal to not-deader Undercity in Eastern Kingdoms. Stamp buy and buy and buy stuff for not-deader warlock clan friend Novina to put shiny on big Stamp hit-and-hit hammer. Stamp go back to Shattrath. Stamp find not-deader warlock Novina outside Aldor bank. Not-deader warlock Novina got floaty-floofy pink and red petals falling around. Stamp think this strange. Stamp look through Stamp bag. Stamp find Stamp rabbit Pad. Stamp not give Pad to not-deader warlock Novina. Stamp look for small bag inside big bag. Stamp find bag. Stamp clan friend raspy blue troll mage Shakina come. Raspy blue troll mage Shakina make pink and red petals fall around Stamp. Pink and red petals make Stamp sneeze and sneeze and sneeze! Stamp a little grumpy. Not-deader warlock Novina chase raspy blue troll mage Shakina away. Raspy blue troll mage Shakina keep coming back. Raspy blue troll mage Shakina poke finger in Stamp ear. Stamp grumpier! Raspy blue troll mage Shakina giggle and wander off. Not-deader warlock Novina tell Stamp turn around. Stamp turn around. Stamp clan friend Krangloth show up and say hi. Stamp not turn around, but Stamp say hi to Stamp friend Krangloth. Not-deader warlock Novina take Stamp stuff and put shiny on big Stamp hit-and-hit hammer.
Raspy blue troll mage Shakina show up again. Stamp run while Stamp can. Stamp jump on Growlflap. Stamp fly and fly and fly over Shattrath City.
Stamp hear Rote been in Blade's Edge Mountains. Stamp gotta go see.
No. 2 (Word From Home)[edit | edit source]
Stamp sit on bench in Horde village in Blade's Edge Mountains. Growlflap grunt and growl. Growlflap not like stupid lash tying Growlflap to post, but Stamp not want Growlflap flying away without Stamp.
Stamp watch dust swirl before Stamp look down at crumpled letter from shrieky-shouty gobble letter-bringer. Letter tell Stamp that Stamp clan friend Kormok not leader in clan anymore. Something bad happen. Stupid belfs, probably. Stamp clan friend Kormok got trouble with belfs, Stamp hear. Stamp grumpy. Stamp like way Stamp clan friend Kormok lead. And Stamp worry, a little, that Kormok not in lead take some heart from Stamp clan. Stamp know a leader not all there is to clan, and Stamp know clan still got Elder Ruarc, but Stamp think Stamp clan friend Kormok mean a lot more than just thumpy-shooty orc who make stuff happen for clan.
Stamp wish Stamp knew more about what going on with Stamp clan friend Kormok. Stamp been so tied up chasing stupid cackly-burny not-deader warlock Rote that Stamp not really been much into Stamp clan politics. Stamp know it not easy to lead. Stamp know it not fun. Stamp know it make tired. Maybe Stamp clan need this, though. Maybe Stamp clan need kick and kick and kick in pants so others step up to do job Stamp clan friend Kormok been doing for so long.
Stamp think Stamp maybe ought to say something. Stamp think Stamp maybe ought to *do* something. Stamp not sure. Stamp want very much to find stupid cackly-burny not-deader warlock and not-Stamp felguard. Stamp want vengeance for Ulaumao. But Stamp clan maybe need Stamp more than Stamp need vengeance right now. Stamp not around enough when Stamp old clan fell apart. Stamp not want that to happen to Stamp clan. So, Stamp think Stamp gotta let stupid cackly-burny not-deader warlock and not-Stamp felguard go for now. Stamp clan need Stamp. Stamp go. Stamp help!
No. 3 (Metal Shaping)[edit | edit source]
Stamp ride More Stamp through ruddy-dusty streets of grumpy-thumpy orcie town of Orgrimmar.
Stamp got empty gold sacks. Stamp got a few of 'em. Stamp learning more hit and hits. Stamp find that not cheap. Stamp clan friends send Stamp stuff to make hit and hits. Stamp appreciate that. Stamp not always find stuff Stamp need in yelly-haggly auction house, or Stamp find stuff but stuff Stamp want so crazy price that Stamp want to hit and hit and hit and hit stupid stuff-sellers.
Stamp get to make-hit-and-hit anvil place. Stamp climb down from More Stamp. More Stamp munch on carrots Stamp take from basket. More Stamp drink water from trough. Stamp leave More Stamp to make hit and hits.
While Stamp work, Stamp think. Stamp think and think and think. Stamp know for sure Stamp clan friend thumpy-shooty orc Kormok not lead clan now. Stamp hear Kormok not like stupid flop-ear belfs. Stamp guess Stamp just used to stupid purple nelfs from long time back, but Stamp not mind stupid flop-ear belfs so much. Still, Stamp not always been in touch with stupid clan drama stuff. Stupid clan drama stuff make anybody grumpy, whether it come from stupid flop-ear belfs or stompy-roary Tauren.
Clang! Stamp hit glowy metal on anvil. CLANG! Stamp hit glowy metal on anvil some more. CLANG! CLANG! Stamp hit glowy metal on anvil even more. Stamp still not quite sure what Stamp clan gotta do to get back to happy and away from grumpy. Stamp not like Stamp clan grumpiness. Stamp okay with Stamp grumpiness. Stamp get over grumpiness sometime. Stamp clan grumpiness, though...that not always get better.
Stamp not hate stupid flop-ear belfs. Stamp not hate much except squeaky-wobbly gnomes and those Zangamarsh beans and cream carrots and shrieky-slashy bird people and fel reavers and stupid spitty-bubbly pallies and cackly-burny not-deader warlocks that hurt or kill Stamp friends.
Stamp just try to be Stamp. Stamp try to like others. Stamp try to accept others. Stamp figure just because not-Stamp not reason not to like. Stamp okay with not-Stamp people. Stamp learn new things from not-Stamp people. Stamp like to know new things. New things make Stamp more smart and more wise. Stamp like more smart and more wise Stamp.
Maybe Stamp clan friend Kormok just need break from whatever make Stamp clan friend Kormok grumpy. Stamp sometimes take breaks. Breaks good. Breaks keep Stamp sane. Stamp like sane. Stamp figure Stamp clan friend Kormok go through what Stamp clan friend Kormok gotta go through and then see what Stamp clan friend Kormok shape like when Stamp clan friend Kormok finish turning into whatever Stamp clan friend Kormok become.
Stamp clan gonna be there for Stamp clan friend Kormok when Stamp clan friend Kormok ready, Stamp figure.
Stamp wait. Stamp see.
No. 4 (Catch of the Day)[edit | edit source]
Shrieky-clawy birdguy thingie slash and slash at Stamp. Stamp hit and hit and hit and hit shrieky-clawy birdguy thingie. Shrieky-clawy birdguy thingie fall into splishy-splashy pond.
Stamp look around shrieky-clawy birdguy thingie village Skettis. Stamp see lots of dead shrieky-clawy birdguy thingies. Stamp hit and hit and hit and hit a bunch of them. Stamp chuckle. Stamp not be bothered now! Stamp nudge dead shrieky-clawy birdguy thingie aside and then Stamp take out Stamp fishing pole. Stamp cast line into splishy-splashy pond. Stamp wait and wait and wait and wait. Stamp drink a little bit. Stamp eat a little bit. Stamp wait and wait and wait. Stamp line snag something. Stamp pull line from splishy-splashy pond. Stamp check end of line. Stamp catch...
...Stamp catch leg that's attached to another dead shrieky-clawy birdguy thingie.
Stamp cringe. Stamp think shrieky-clawy birdguy thingie village Skettis pond not very good place to fish.
No. 5 (Starstuff)[edit | edit source]
Stamp sleep. Stamp got really strange dream.
Stamp dream Stamp in rainy-cloudy place called ... Inkland? Stamp see stupid shoppy-thinky human boy throw rock at stupid shallow-flirty human girl window. Stamp see stupid shoppy-thinky human boy tell stupid shallow-flirty human girl that stupid shoppy-thinky human boy gonna cross some stupid crumbly-stretchy wall to find stupid shiny-burny star for stupid shallow-flirty human girl. Stamp see stupid shoppy-thinky human boy find stupid shiny-burny star. Stamp see stupid cackly-burny witch sisters and stupid jealous-deadly brothers want stupid shiny-burny star. Stamp see stupid shoppy-thinky boy and stupid shiny-burny star find stupid zappy-sizzly lightning catcher gasbag with stupid arrrrry-growly pirate crew. Stamp see stupid shoppy-thinky boy be hero. Stamp see stupid shoppy-thinky boy be smart.
Stamp think this dream get two hoofstomps, a flankscratch and a tailswish.
Stamp not grumpy.
No. 6 (In the Jungle)[edit | edit source]
Stamp fly Growlflap into greeny-leafy mountain clearing in Nagrand. Stamp followed by two growly-thumpy pink orcies on flappy-growly windriders. Stamp reach into pack and take out yellow clefthoof skin map. Stamp look at map. Stamp look and look and look. Stamp look around Stamp. Stamp look over at growly-thumpy pink orcies as growly-thumpy pink orcies get off of flappy-growly windriders.
"We close, Tauren?" growly-thumpy pink orcie Unnor ask Stamp.
"Stamp think so," Stamp say, looking at squigglies and swirlies and slashies and dotties on map. "Stamp walk from here." Stamp tug on brim of Stamp floppy brown hat. Stamp walk north a little ways. Growly-thumpy pink orcies follow Stamp. Stamp and growly-thumpy pink orcies come to edge of jungle with big orcie head cave mouth. Big stone orcie head look like shouty-angry orcie with tongue carved into steps.
"It's real, then," growly-thumpy pink orcie Melnak say, pointing at cave. "The Temple of Ok'm'gok!"
Stamp bob Stamp snout. Then Stamp look at ground. Stamp kneel and pick up dart from ground. Stamp look around Stamp again. Stamp drop dart and walk up orcie tongue into cave.
Growly-thumpy pink orcie Unnor grab dart, wipe bit of wet stuff from dart tip, then taste finger. "Lost Ones are close," growly-thumpy pink orcie Unnor say before follow Stamp. "The poison is fresh. Three days."
"If the Lost Ones knew we were here, we'd be dead already," grump growly-thumpy pink orcie Melnak.
"I don't like it," growly-thumpy pink orcie Unnor grumble.
"Don't be such a coward," snap growly-thumpy pink orcie Melnak. "Do what you came here to do."
Growly-thumpy pink orcie Unnor grunt, but nod. Growly-thumpy pink orcie Unnor draw dagger from sheath. Growly-thumpy pink orcie Unnor get ready to throw dagger at Stamp back. Stamp wonder what took growly-thumpy pink orcie Unnor so long. Stamp whip out Stamp boomerang. FWIP-FWIP-FWIP-FWIP-SMACK! Stamp boomerang hit growly-thumpy pink orcie Unnor dagger hand. Dagger thump on ground. Growly-thumpy pink orcie Unnor look scared and run off into jungle. Stamp catch Stamp boomerang. Stamp look over at growly-thumpy pink orcie Melnak.
Growly-thumpy pink orcie Melnak sigh. "Amateurs." Growly-thumpy pink orcie Melnak take out sword. Growly-thumpy pink orcie Melnak twirl and twirl and twirl and twirl sword. Growly-thumpy pink orcie Melnak grin at Stamp.
Stamp growl. Stamp grumpy. Stamp roll Stamp eyes. Stamp throw Stamp boomerang again. FWIP-FWIP-FWIP-FWIP-SMACK! Stamp boomerang hit growly-thumpy pink orcie Melnak forehead. Growly-thumpy pink orcie Melnak go down like sack full of talbuk hooves. Stamp shrug. Stamp turn and thump into shadowy tunnel.
Stamp got something to find.
No. 7 (In the Temple)[edit | edit source]
Stamp stomp down tunnel. Stamp grab flickery-burny torch off wall thingy. Stamp not sure who keep flickery-burny torch burning all the time. Stamp just know that whoever keep flickery-burny torch burning all the time not bother to dust or clean cobwebs or sweep or get rid of...
...spiders! Big spiders! Little spiders! Medium spiders! Creepy-crawly spiders! Stamp hate spiders! Stamp hate and hate and hate spiders. Stamp hate and hate and hate spiders almost as much as Stamp hate and hate and hate and hate stupid squeaky-wobbly gnomes!
Stamp stomp and stomp and stomp on spiders. Stamp poke spiders with flickery-burny torch. Stamp take out Stamp hit-and-hit and then Stamp hit and hit and hit and hit spiders.
Then Stamp get to next tunnel. Stamp see shiny-glowy light from hole in roof. Stamp put Stamp hand in light. CLANG! Spiky-jabby thingy come out of wall with dead shrieky-shouty gobble body stuck on it.
"Forzey Tull," Stamp mutter. Shrieky-shouty gobble treasure hunter tell Stamp last week that shrieky-shouty gobble treasure hunter gonna find the Idol of Ok'm'gok before Stamp. Well, Stamp guess Forzey Tull got to temple first, but Forzey Tull never gonna touch the idol.
Stamp stomp down tunnel some more. Stamp get to pit in floor. Stamp look down pit. Pit just go and go and go. Stamp see big red button built into stone on other side of pit. Stamp take out Stamp boomerang. Stamp throw! FWIP-FWIP-FWIP-SMACK! Stamp boomerang hit button. Fake floor thingy block pit! Stamp stomp across. Stamp stomp into big open temple room. Stamp see steps go down to floor. Stamp see carvings on walls on two sides of room. Stamp see altar at far end of room with shiny gold growly-thumpy orc head Idol of Ok'm'gok.
Stamp notice some carvings on walls got holes in them. Stamp not like the look of those, so Stamp kneel next to floor and Stamp press bottom of torch on stone tile. THWAK! Poison dart smack into Stamp torch. Stamp figure dart hole thingies only got one shot. Crazy temple builders only ever build for one shot, Stamp know this. So Stamp grab rocks and pebbles and sticks and Stamp throw and throw at stone tiles until all darts fire. When Stamp finish, Stamp kneel and put torch on tile again. Stamp not see anymore darts come. So, Stamp got that taken care of. Now Stamp stomp across temple floor with zippy-stingy darts.
Stamp get to altar. Stamp look at shiny gold growly-thumpy orc head Idol of Ok'm'gok. Stamp figure after shrieky-shouty gobble Forzey Tull got stabbed and stabbed and stabbed by spiky-jabby trap and zippy-stingy dart thingies come out of walls, well, shiny gold growly-thumpy orc head Idol of Ok'm'gok gonna have a trap too. Stamp look at idol. Stamp look at Stamp hoof. Stamp guess Stamp hoof weigh about what idol weigh. So, Stamp grab idol and then Stamp swing Stamp hoof up to rest on idol thingy place. Idol thingy place sit just fine with Stamp hoof on it, but then Stamp realize Stamp not gonna be able to leave temple with idol as long as Stamp gotta keep Stamp hoof on idol thingy place.
Stamp stuck. Stamp bet bad things happen if Stamp take hoof off idol thingy place, but Stamp know Stamp not gonna get out of temple without Stamp taking hoof off idol thingy place. Stamp know that growly-thumpy pink orcie Unnor still out there somewhere and might come back to hhit and hit and hit and hit Stamp and then take Idol of Ok'm'gok.
Stamp not got much choice. Stamp take hoof off idol thingy place. Idol thingy place sink into altar. Temple rumble and rumble and rumble. Thumpy-bangy rocks fall and fall and fall from ceiling. Stamp run! Stamp run across temple floor. Stamp run down hall. Stamp get to pit. Stamp look for button to hit for fake floor. Stamp not see button! Button gone! Stamp gotta jump! Stamp grumpy! Stamp go back toward temple. Stamp turn. Stamp run and run and run at pit. Stamp jump! Stamp just make it! Stamp run past dead shrieky-shouty gobble Forzey Tull.
Stamp hear more rumble. Stamp look behind Stamp and up. Stamp see big round stone roll and roll and roll. Stamp tuck Idol of Ok'm'gok under Stamp arm and then Stamp run and run and run from stone!
Stamp leap out of growly-thumpy orcie mouth and Stamp roll down tongue just before big round stone slam into entrance and block it forever. Then Stamp look up and Stamp see bunch of Lost Ones outside temple. Stamp see growly-thumpy pink orcie Unnor with Lost Ones. Growly-thumpy pink orcie Unnor fall forward. Growly-thumpy pink orcie Unnor got lots of darts in growly-thumpy pink orcie Unnor's back.
Stamp see pasty white gnarled hand in front of Stamp face, palm up. "Stamp Bloodhoof," say cackly-burny not-deader warlock Rote. "Once again, we see there is nothing you can possess that I cannot take away." Not-deader warlock Rote got felguard with old Evil Overlord Stamp helmet. Felguard growl at Stamp in Stamp own voice: "Give him the idol, fool, or your life is forfeit."
No. 8 (The Week Before)[edit | edit source]
The Week Before...
Stamp sit on shore of splashy-ripply lake near Shattrath. Stamp not catch much, but Stamp do what Stamp can for Lower City refugees.
Stamp keep to Stamp self lately. Stamp not do much with Stamp clan. Stamp clan friends go through tough times and Stamp been busy dealing with Stamp things, so Stamp not want to bother Stamp clan friends with Stamp things when Stamp clan friends got so much bugging them. So, Stamp ride More Stamp to lake. Stamp put wriggly-crawly worm on hook. Stamp throw hook and line into water. Stamp wait and wait and wait for floppy-gulpy fish.
Stamp not very good clan friend sometimes. Stamp know this. Stamp get in moods where Stamp just want to deal with stupid Stamp stuff. Stamp not always want to worry about which clan mate not happy with other clan mates or which clan mates grumpy about Stamp or which clan mate want clan to go one way while other clan mates want clan to go another.
Stamp not even big fan of fishing. Stamp not that good at it. But Stamp think fishing give Stamp lots of time to think and think and think while Stamp wait and wait and wait.
"Catch anything good today?"
Stamp look around and Stamp see green growly-thumpy orcie next to More Stamp, watching Stamp fish. Stamp think only thing less fun than fishing would be watching Stamp fish, but Stamp not gonna judge. Stamp just shrug and tell green growly-thumpy orcie: "Stamp just sit and fish. If Stamp catch fish, Stamp okay with that. If Stamp not catch fish, Stamp not grumpy."
"The thrill of the hunt, then, as opposed to the catch," the green growly-thumpy orcie say.
Stamp think green growly-thumpy orcie strange. "Stamp not fish for thrill. Stamp just fish to think and maybe get fish."
"Ah," green growly-thumpy orcie reply. "You're Stamp then?"
Stamp bob Stamp snout.
"Good. I was looking for you in the Lower City. One of the refugees said I might find you here. They seem impressed enough by your deeds on their behalf."
Stamp shrug. "Stamp do what Stamp do. Stamp like to help. Refugees need help. Stamp help refugees. Stamp like this, so Stamp do this."
"I, too, need help," green growly-thumpy orcie tell Stamp. "You will earn more than just my thanks if you are successful, however. I am wealthy enough that I can pay what a refugee with empty pockets cannot."
"Stamp not know green growly-thumpy orcie."
"No," green growly-thumpy orcie agree. "I am called Argnak. If you want to know more than this, meet me in the World's End Tavern in the Lower City tomorrow night."
Stamp grunt. Stamp not know green growly-thumpy orcie Argnak. Stamp not need money. Stamp got money. But refugees in Lower City not got money, so new money Stamp get maybe mostly go to refugees. So, Stamp guess Stamp help Argnak and then help refugees.
"Stamp be there."
No. 9 (At World's End)[edit | edit source]
Stamp sit in World's End Tavern in Shattrath Lower City. Stamp grumpy.
Stamp sit at table with growly-thumpy green orcie Argnak, shrieky-shouty gobble Forzey Tull, and cackly-burny not-deader warlock Rote.
Stamp grumpy because growly-thumpy green orcie Argnak not let Stamp hit and hit and hit and hit cackly-burny not-deader warlock Rote.
"Stamp got to hit and hit and hit and hit stupid cackly-burny not-deader warlock!"
"No," Argnak tell Stamp. "He is an independent contractor, just like you and just like Forzey Tull. We treat this tavern as neutral ground. You agree to these terms or you're out of the hunt."
Stamp growl. Stamp not like growly-thumpy green orcie Argnak telling Stamp what to do, especially when growly-thumpy green orcie stop Stamp from getting revenge for stupid cackly-burny not-deader warlock putting hit and hit and hit and hit on Stamp chronicler Ulaumao. So Stamp ask: "Cackly-burny not-deader giving money to refugees?"
A dry laugh from the warlock. "Indeed. I am giving to my favorite charity: Me, myself, and I."
Forzey Tull chortle. "I'll give a portion to the cartel. Just enough to keep my fingers attached. The rest? Mine! ALL MINE!"
Stamp sigh. Stamp guess if Stamp gonna help Lower City refugees, Stamp gotta make sure Stamp get whatever gotta get done faster than stupid cackly-burny not-deader warlock and stupid shrieky-shouty gobble.
"This will not be easy," growly-thumpy green orcie Argnak say once everyone sit down. "It might get you killed. I seek an ancient orc temple. Several traps are rumored within. But there's also an idol of the ancient orc warrior, Ok'm'gok. It is priceless. I want it."
Stupid burny-cackly not-deader warlock Rote scratch chin with gnarled finger. "Does this idol possess any special...powers?"
"Not that I know of," growly-thumpy green orcie Argnak tell stupid burny-cackly not-deader warlock.
"Hmph," grunt stupid burny-cackly not-deader warlock.
"Where's this temple supposed to be?" ask shrieky-shouty gobble Forzey Tull.
Growly-thumpy green orcie Argnak smile. "Learning that is your first task. I have heard rumors that a map to the temple is held by the Naga of Zangamarsh."
Stamp get up. Stamp stomp outside. Stamp unlash Growlflap from hitching post.
Growly-thumpy green orcie Argnak call after Stamp: "Don't you want to hear the rest of the briefing?"
Stamp not say anything. Stamp just go. Stamp not waste time.
No. 10 (Outside the Temple and Back at World's End)[edit | edit source]
"Stamp think it too bad Lost Ones not know cackly-burny not-deader warlock Rote like Stamp know cackly-burny not-deader warlock Rote," Stamp grumble, still clutching Idol of Ok'm'gok. Stamp outnumbered, though. Stamp got no choice. Stamp not like it. Stamp grumpy! But Stamp do what stupid cackly-burny not-deader warlock Rote want: Stamp give stupid cackly-burny not-deader warlock Rote the growly-thumpy orcie gold idol.
Stupid cackly-burny not-deader warlock Rote smile. "You could warn them, of course, if only you spoke Draenei." Stupid cackly-burny not-deader warlock Rote hold up growly-thumpy orcie gold idol so Lost Ones see it. Lost Ones get all ooh-y and aah-y and drop to their knees and bow their heads.
Stamp take chance. Stamp run and run and run! Stamp hear stupid cackly-burny not-deader warlock Rote yell something in Draenei. Stamp not wait for translation. Stamp just run and run through jungle while Lost Ones throw rocks and spit darts at Stamp. Stamp jump on Growlflap and then Stamp nudge Growlflap so Growlflap take off. Stamp just barely dodge bolts of burny-toasty energy from stupid cackly-burny not-deader warlock Rote. Stamp leave stupid cackly-burny not-deader warlock Rote and growly-thumpy orcie gold idol behind.
Stamp fly Growlflap off into sunset.
"You understand, of course, that there is no prize for second place?" growly-thumpy green orcie Argnak tell Stamp back at World's End Tavern. "Whether you retrieved the idol or not, it was delivered by Heironymous Rote. The reward is his."
Stamp glower at growly-thumpy green orcie Argnak. Stamp glower at stupid cackly-burny not-deader warlock Rote. Stupid cackly-burny not-deader warlock Rote hand idol over to growly-thumpy green orcie Argnak and say, "It could be worse, Bloodhoof. You could be just as dead as that goblin."
Stamp grunt. Stamp almost rather be dead than lose to stupid cackly-burny not-deader warlock Rote. Stupid cackly-burny not-deader warlock Rote and felguard not-Stamp-but-sound-like-Stamp leave tavern. Stamp sit at table. Stamp need a drink. Stamp get a drink.
"I hope you haven't started falling for your own hype," growly-thumpy green orcie Argnak say to Stamp. "The hero doesn't always win."
"Stamp not hero," Stamp shrug. "Stamp just Stamp. Stamp want to help refugees. Stupid cackly-burny not-deader warlock Rote not want to help anyone but stupid cackly-burny not-deader warlock Rote."
Growly-thumpy green orcie Argnak nod. "Well, it so happens that I know a couple of goblins among the refugees who might find a use for your charitable attitude. If you're not too discouraged to help them, that is."
Stamp peer at growly-thumpy green orcie Argnak. "Stamp listen."
No. 11 (The Arkodakobenant)[edit | edit source]
One shrieky-shouty goblin squat and fat. Other shrieky-shouty goblin lanky and skinny. Both shrieky-shouty goblins work for Steamwheedle Cartel.
Right off the bat, Stamp not like this.
“Oh, Stamp Bloodhoof!” squat and fat shrieky-shouty gobble say, grinning. “Those action figures of yours are fetching a fortune for the Cartel! I'm Viznik Kabooz.”
Lanky and skinny shrieky-shouty gobble not smile at Stamp. Lanky and skinny shrieky-shouty gobble shrug and say, “Not enough to cover the debt for that Demon Space Paladins debacle, though.” A taut smile, then: “I'm Orwik Skweez.”
Growly-thumpy green orcie Argnak tell Stamp, “Bet you're tired of hearing about that stupid movie project, hmm?”
“You help us, we help you!” Viznik Kabooz say.
“What shrieky-shouty gobbles want Stamp to do?”
Shrieky-shouty gobble Orwik Skweez answer: “We've learned of an object wanted by the Horde, the Alliance, and the Burning Legion. It's a box of some kind. They call it the Arkodakobenant.”
“Stamp think that stupid name.”
Shrieky-shouty gobble Viznik Kabooz chortle. “We're going to change the name once the Cartel gets it! Our marketing guys have been working around the clock! We're going to call it the Big Boom Box.”
Stamp scratch Stamp snout. Stamp peer at shrieky-shouty gobbles. Stamp peer at growly-thumpy green orcie Argnak. Then Stamp look back at shrieky-shouty gobbles. “Stamp wonder what stupid all-want Arkodakobenant do?”
“You don't already know?” Shrieky-shouty gobble Orwik Skweez smirk at Stamp. “Any army that owns the Arkodakobenant gets a super powerful buff that polymorphs enemy forces into ducks before cooking them with a bazillion death rays.”
Stamp blink. “Stamp think that sound not so good.”
Shrieky-shouty gobble Orwik Skweez hold up crumpled piece of parchment. “The good thing about controlling goblin mail is that we can snatch any letters we want. Like this one. It's from a demon named Ozrakoz in Shadowmoon Valley to his master, an orc warlock called Yamod the Black in the Blade's Edge Mountains. Shall I read it?”
Stamp never know demons know how to write. Stamp also not know why shrieky-shouty gobbles think Stamp would know anything about stupid Arkodakobenant, but Stamp shrug and Stamp listen to shrieky-shouty gobble Orwik Skweez.
“Shadowmoon development proceeding. Acquire headpiece, Staff of Rawr. Locate Gizmik Fazzle, Area 52.”
Stamp eyes get a little wide. “Gizmik Fazzle dead.”
“Apparently not,” shrieky-shouty gobble Orwik Skweez say with smirk again. “He wouldn't be the first Cartel associate to fake his own death.”
Growly-thump green orcie Argnak regard shrieky-shouty gobbles with a grim face. “I know of this Arkodakobanent and I am familiar with the Staff of Rawr. Somewhere in Shadowmoon Valley, there lies a temple that contains the box you seek. The Staff of Rawr must be taken to a map room in the Hellfire Citadel. At the right time of day, light will pass through a gemstone in the staff's headpiece and illuminate the location of the lost temple.”
“You find Gizmik Fazzle, Stamp, and maybe you find that headpiece!” Viznik Kabooz say. “Then you track down the temple, grab the Big Boom Box, and bring it back to us. We sell it to the highest bidder.”
Stamp growl. “Stamp wonder what happen if Burning Legion bid highest?”
“Then we all bow down to our new evil overlords,” Orwik Skweez say.
No. 12 (The Glowy Red Line)[edit | edit source]
Stamp in Stamp hut on Aldor Tier in shiny Shattrath city.
Stamp put Stamp stuff in Stamp bag. Stamp gotta go to Area 52. Stamp gotta find Stamp old friend Gizmik Fazzle. Stamp know Gizmik supposed to be dead, but Gizmik just fake death to get out of debts to Cartel. If Cartel know Gizmik fake death, then Stamp bet bad people know Gizmik fake death. Cartel probably sell that know-stuff to most jingly bidder.
Stamp bet stupid shrieky-shouty gobble Cartel talkers gonna tell stuff about Arkodakobenant and Gizmik and Staff of Rawr to stupid cackly-burny not-deader warlock Rote.
Stamp gotta get to Stamp friend Gizmik first. Stamp finish packing and then Stamp put Stamp stuff on back of Growlflap. Stamp fly Growlflap northwest from shiny Shattrath city in night-time sky. Stamp look down. Stamp see stupid glowy red line on ground follow Growlflap course into Zangarmarsh. Stamp land Growlflap in Swamprat Post. Stamp see big red dot on ground. Stamp climb down from Growlflap. Stamp look over at tusky-cackly blue she-troll. Tusky-cackly blue she-troll shrug at Stamp: "Joo ask me, me thinkin' joo got one o' dem der homin' debices, mon!"
Stamp grumpy. Stamp look through Stamp pack. Stamp not see anything that look like stupid homing device thingy. Stamp check on Growlflap legs and under wings. Stamp check Growlflap fangs. Growlflap snap at Stamp. Growlflap grumpy. Stamp grumpy. Stamp sigh. Stamp get back on Growlflap.
Stamp fly Growlflap over Blade's Edge Mountains. Stupid glowy red line on ground still follow Growlflap! Stamp grump and grump and grump. Stamp land Growlflap at Thunderlord Stronghold. Stamp see big red dot on ground. Stamp climb down from Growlflap. Stamp look over at grumpy-growly pink orcie. Grumpy growly pink orcie shrug at Stamp: "All I know is the light's keeping me awake. Move along, Tauren."
Stamp growl. Stamp get back on Growlflap.
Stamp fly Growlflap into Netherstorm. Stamp look down. Stamp see stupid glowy red line on ground follow Growlflap course to Area 52. Stamp really, really, really grumpy. Stamp land Growlflap in Area 52. Stamp see big dot on ground. Stamp climb down from Growlflap. Stamp look over at shrieky-shouty gobble. Shrieky-shouty gobble point and laugh at Stamp: "You stepped on a homing bug!"
Stamp lift right hoof. Stamp look at bottom of hoof. Stamp see shmooshed gooey glowy red gadget thingy. Stamp bet Stamp stomp on it when Stamp went to load Growlflap in shiny Shattrath city. Now Stamp think maybe Stamp just led stupid cackly-burny not-deader warlock to Gizmik. Stamp really gotta find Gizmik fast.
Stamp stomp into shrieky-shouty gobble town of Area 52. Stamp find booth where Gizmik work. Gizmik wear wig for disguise. Stamp not think it very good disguise.
"STAMP!" shrieky-shouty gobble Gizmik yell. "Where ya been, pal?"
"Stamp not got much time," Stamp tell shrieky-shouty gobble Gizmik. "Stamp need something Gizmik maybe got."
"Ooh! That's intriguing! Sounds like the makings of a fun adventure. Do go on!"
"Stamp gotta find stupid headpiece thingy for Staff of Rawr," Stamp tell shrieky-shouty gobble Gizmik.
"Headpiece for the Staff of Rawr, hmm?" Shrieky-shouty gobble Gizmik ponder. "Sure, I know what you're talking about, pal. I gave it to your little druid buddy Ulaumao a while back."
Stamp stare at shrieky-shouty gobble Gizmik. "Stamp friend Ulaumao dead. Gizmik not know where Ulaumao put headpiece thingy?"
"Oh, yeah, I heard he died in Nagrand," shrieky-shouty gobble Gizmik say. "Well, if he faked his death, all you have to do is figure out his new identity and track him down. If he's really dead, well..."
Bolt of crackly-burny purple energy zoom down from sky and hit booth, going all splodey. Stamp grab shrieky-shouty gobble Gizmik and leap away from blast. Stamp roll on ground while throwing shrieky-shouty gobble Gizmik clear. Stamp look up. Stamp see stupid cackly-burny not-deader warlock Rote up on top of rocket in middle of town.
Stamp really want to get a break.
No. 13 (Lucky Day)[edit | edit source]
Stamp roll left. Stamp just barely dodge stupid cackly-burny not-deader warlock fireball. Stamp roll right. Stamp go under table just before stupid cackly-burny not-deader warlock fireball make table go all asplodey into a bazillion splinters.
Stamp crawl through smoke toward Growlflap. Stamp rummage fast through Stamp stuff. Stamp find what Stamp want. Stamp hear stupid cackly-burny not-deader warlock fireball coming. Stamp clap Stamp hands at Growlflap. Growlflap leap into sky. Stamp try to jump out of way, but Stamp get hit in back by stupid cackly-burny not-deader warlock fireball.
Stamp blown through the air. Stamp smell Stamp burn and burn. Stamp land in water trough with big splash. Stamp not burn and burn. Stamp hiss and hiss and hiss. Trough fall over. Stamp tumble onto muddy ground.
Stamp grumpy. Stamp not see more stupid cackly-burny not-deader warlock fireballs. Stamp look up at stupid shrieky-shouty gobble rocket in middle of town. Stamp not see stupid cackly-burny not-deader warlock Rote! Stamp look around. Stamp see stupid cackly-burny not-deader warlock at base of rocket. Stamp see stupid cackly-burny not-deader warlock chase Stamp friend shrieky-shouty gobble Gizmik Fazzle.
“We can be PARTNERS!” stupid cackly-burny not-deader warlock yell after shrieky-shouty gobble Gizmik Fazzle.
Stamp growl. Stamp draw back Stamp arm. Stamp fling Stamp boomerang! FWIP-FWIP-FWIP-FWIP-SMACK! Stamp boomerang hit stupid cackly-burny not-deader warlock in back of head. Stupid cackly-burny not-deader warlock fall face down, out cold.
Stamp grab Stamp friend shrieky-shouty gobble Gizmik Fazzle by the arm. “Stamp got! Gizmik safe!”
“Whew!” Gizmik say. “Good. I HATE doing business with that guy.”
Stamp clap Stamp hands. Growlflap land on ground next to fallen stupid cackly-burny not-deader warlock. Growlflap apparently need relief, so Growlflap drop and drop and drop and drop yellow water on stupid cackly-burny not-deader warlock. Gizmik climb onto Growlflap. Stamp climb on after Gizmik.
“Stamp think Stamp know where Stamp friend Ulaumao put headpiece thingy,” Stamp tell Gizmik. Stamp nudge Growlflap. Growlflap leap into sky.
No. 14 (Island in the Sky)[edit | edit source]
Stamp fly Growlflap through sky from Netherstorm to Nagrand. Stamp look down to make sure Stamp not step on another glowy red thingy. Stamp not see stupid glowy red line on ground behind Stamp, so Stamp not grumpy.
"Where are we going?" Stamp friend shrieky-shouty gobble Gizmik Fazzle ask.
Stamp not answer shrieky-shouty gobble Gizmik Fazzle just yet. Stamp look around. Stamp see bunch of floaty-turny islands in the sky. Stamp see one floaty-turny island not far from Throne of Elements place next to splashy-ripply lake. "Stamp go there," Stamp say. Stamp point at floaty-turny island with apple tree.
Stamp land Growlflap on floaty-turny island with apple tree. Shrieky-shouty gobble Gizmik Fazzle climb down after Stamp. "What? You got HUNGRY?" Shrieky-shouty gobble Gizmik Fazzle pick up bruised apple off ground and throw apple at Stamp. Apple bounce off Stamp back. Stamp grunt. Stamp walk around tree. Stamp see orcie skeleton sat on ground by tree. Orcie skeleton got ax buried in skull. "Oh, now THAT is a pathetic way to go," shrieky-shouty gobble Gizmik Fazzle say.
Stamp shrug. "Stamp remember Stamp chronicler Ulaumao talk about this place. Stamp think Stamp chronicler Ulaumao thought floaty-turny island special." Stamp kneel next to orcie skeleton. Stamp open orcie skull mouth. Stamp see something shiny inside. Stamp grin. Stamp take out shiny thingy. Shiny thingy round, gold, topped by roary-clawy lion head, with blood-red gemstone stuck in middle. "Stamp think this headpiece for Staff of Rawr."
Shrieky-shouty gobble Gizmik look. Shrieky-shouty gobble Gizmik nod. "Yep! That's it!"
Stamp tuck shiny headpiece thingy into Stamp pack. "Now Stamp gotta find staff thingy."
"Urm," shrieky-shouty gobble Gizmik say.
Stamp look at shrieky-shouty gobble Gizmik. "What?"
Shrieky-shouty gobble Gizmik give sheepish smile. "The nights get awfully cold in Area 52! It was wood! I could BURN it! You'd have done the same thing! Don't lie!"
Stamp sigh. Stamp grumpy.
No. 15 (The Shaft)[edit | edit source]
Stamp got headpiece for Staff of Rawr.
Now Stamp gotta find new Staff of Rawr to go with headpiece, because Stamp shrieky-shouty gobble friend Gizmik Fazzle burn and burn and burn and burn stick to keep warm one night.
Stamp leave Stamp shrieky-shouty gobble friend Gizmik Fazzle on floaty-turny island in sky above Nagrand. Stamp fly Growlflap to Shattrath City. Stamp gotta talk to someone in Aldor library about Staff of Rawr. Stamp gotta make sure when Stamp find map room in Hellfire Citadel, Stamp get right location of stupid temple with headpiece. So, Stamp gotta get right measurement for stupid stick.
“The Staff of Rawr?” Melorious Gauin, a stupid stompy demon space spitty paladin blue-ish Dranei ponder. “It is known to us, yes. We have studied many of the interesting artifacts that were catalogued here in the Outlands. The staff itself was made of wood from the massive trees of the Terrokar forest. You'll need to remove a branch from one of the tallest of them. It should measure no less than six feet in length.”
Stamp scratch Stamp snout. “That it? Stamp think that sound easy.”
“Oh, getting the stick is easy,” Melorious agreed. “Replacing the cap for mounting the headpiece will require two thousand chunks of adamantite and then we must attune the wood properly for the Hellfire Citadel, which will require the blood of five hundred Citadel demonkeeper orcs.”
“And 200 gold, for the staff maker's trouble,” Melorious finished.
Stamp sigh. Stamp not gonna make much money for the orphanage at this rate.
No. 16 (The Map Room)[edit | edit source]
Stamp finally got stupid stick for Staff of Rawr. Stamp put shiny headpiece on top of Staff of Rawr. Stamp and Stamp friend shrieky-shouty gobble Gizmik Fazzle go to Hellfire Citadel.
Stamp hit and hit and hit and hit stupid pink shouty-thumpy orcies. Stupid pink shouty-thumpy orcies try to hit and hit and hit and hit Stamp and Stamp friend Gizmik. Stamp hit and hit and hit and hit some more. Stamp hammer thump and thump and thump and thump pink shouty-thumpy orcie heads. Gizmik slip and slip and slip on pink shouty-thumpy orcie blood.
"Could you be a little MESSIER?" Gizmik complain.
Stamp shrug. Stamp stomp into big room with little version of Shadowmoon Valley on floor. "Stamp guess this place stupid map room."
"Excellent!" Gizmik say. "Now, find the right spot for the sun to hit that gem in the middle of the headpiece."
Stamp look around. Stamp look up. Stamp turn. Stamp see hole in ceiling where light gonna come through. Stamp see small hole in floor for staff to rest. Stamp put stupid Staff of Rawr in hole. Stamp wait. Stamp look up at ceiling. Stamp look over at Gizmik.
"Any time now, big guy!" Gizmik say.
Stamp sigh. Stamp wait some more.
Two hours later, light come through hole in ceiling. Light go through headpiece in stupid Staff of Rawr. Big red beam of light shoot across valley model on floor. Big red beam of light go FOOM! when big red beam of light hit temple-looking building at east side of Shadowmoon Valley.
"OooooOOoooooh," Gizmik say.
Stamp nod. "Stamp guess we go there."
Gizmik grin. "I'll bring two bags for the loot! Maybe three!"
No. 17 (Well of the Scholls)[edit | edit source]
Stamp shrieky-shouty gobble friend Gizmik Fazzle hold crackly-burny torch while Stamp dig and dig and dig and dig under black-green Shadowmoon sky.
Stamp get three feet pit of dirt cleared before Stamp shovel hit something. Stamp find stone slab. Stamp dig around stone slab until Stamp find edges. Stamp brush dirt off surface of stone slab. Stamp see stone lab engraved with growly-thumpy orcie footprint.
"Ooh!" Gizmik jump up and down in excitement. "That's it! The Well of the Scholls!"
Growly-thumpy green orcie Argnak met Stamp and Stamp shrieky-shouty gobble friend Gizmik after Stamp and Gizmik use Staff of Rawr in burny-roary Hellfire Citadel. Growly-thumpy green orcie Argnak tell Stamp that lost Arkodakobenant not really lost. Arkodakobenant just stuck inside place called Well of the Scholls. Stamp not sure what Scholls are. Stamp ask growly-thumpy green orcie Argnak. Growly-thumpy green orcie Argnak tell Stamp that growly-thumpy green orcie Argnak not sure either. Stamp guess it not matter much as long as Arkodakobenant in stupid place.
"Time is money, friend!" shrieky-shouty Gizmik tell Stamp. "Move that slab!"
Stamp grunt. "Stamp think maybe Stamp friend Gizmik oughta try."
"Ha!" Gizmik say. "I'm a goblin who knows his limitations! I'm all about ideas! I'll leave the heavy lifting to people with the backs for it."
Stamp pry open slab. Air hiss out. Stamp sniff. Gizmik sniff. Stamp look at Gizmik. Gizmik look at Stamp.
"Smells like peppermint!" Gizmik say.
Stamp glad Stamp not imagine that. Growly-thumpy green orcie Argnak tell Stamp that Well of the Scholls got buried under dirt and ash thousands of years ago. Stamp not think air from place closed that long smell like this. Still, Stamp keep angling slab open until Stamp got room to go down into hole in ground when ready. Stamp hold out hand for crackly-burny torch. Stamp shrieky-shouty gobble friend Gizmik Fazzle give torch to Stamp. Stamp drop to one knee and lower torch into hole to get look into Well of the Scholls. Peppermint smell get stronger. Crackly-burny torch light catch on piles of ... blue gel thingies shaped like growly-thumpy orcie feet. Stamp see something else down there too. Stamp see squeaky-wobbly gnomes walk and walk and walk in circles around blue gel thingy piles.
Stamp sigh. "Gnomes. Why'd it have to be gnomes?"
Stamp shrieky-shouty gobble friend Gizmik grab crackly-burny torch and look down into Well of the Scholls. "Ooh! Zombie gnomes. Very dangerous." Gizmik shove crackly-burny torch back to Stamp. "You go first."
No. 18 (Albino Gnome Brawl)[edit | edit source]
Stamp climb down rope into Well of the Scholls. Stamp wave torch in face of squeaky-wobbly albino gnome. Squeaky-wobbly albino gnome squeak and wobble and run from crackly-burny torch.
Stamp look up at ceiling. Stamp see Stamp friend shrieky-shouty gobble Gizmik Fazzle look down at Stamp. Stamp tell Gizmik: “Down here. Now.”
Stamp friend Gizmik shake head. “Not until the fun’s over.” Stamp friend Gizmik point behind Stamp. Stamp turn and see squeaky-wobbly albino gnome run back toward Stamp with bunches of squeaky-wobbly friends.
Stamp sigh. Stamp drop torch. Stamp take out Stamp hammer. Stamp hit and hit and hit and hit and hit and hit and hit squeaky-wobbly albino gnomes. Stamp stomp and stomp and stomp and stomp squeaky-wobbly albino gnomes. Stamp find squeaky-wobbly albino gnome clinging to Stamp leg. Stamp shake and shake and shake and shake and shake Stamp leg. Stupid squeaky-wobbly albino gnome not let go. Stupid squeaky-wobbly albino gnome cling to Stamp leg for dear life. Stamp swing and swing and swing and swing squeaky-wobbly albino gnome around. Stamp get dizzy. Stamp fall sideways and smash through stone wall.
Stupid squeaky-wobbly albino gnome squeak, let go of Stamp leg, and run off into darkness. Stamp hope stupid squeaky-wobbly albino gnome not go get MORE annoying friends. Stamp crawl back out of hole in wall. Stamp grab torch. Stamp go back into hole. Stamp shine torch. Stamp see big shiny gold box.
“Arkodakobenant,” Stamp mutter.
Stamp lean hammer against wall and put torch in stanchion. Then Stamp grab big shiny gold box and walk box to rope. Stamp tie rope to secure big shiny gold box. Stamp look up at Stamp friend shrieky-shouty gobble Gizmik Fazzle. “Lift!’
Gizmik just laugh. Stamp sigh. Stamp climb rope. Stamp pull and pull and pull and pull until Arkodakobenant on ground next to Gizmik and Stamp. Stamp climb back down rope to get Stamp hammer.
THUMP! Stamp turn and see Stamp friend shrieky-shouty gobble Gizmik Fazzle hit soft pile of floppy pepperminty foot thingies. Stamp watch rope spill to floor from ceiling. Stamp growl. Stamp step out of big shiny gold box chamber with Stamp hammer to look up at hole in ceiling.
Cackly-burny not-deader warlock Rote wave down at Stamp. “Once again, Stamp Bloodhoof, we see there is nothing you possess that I cannot take away. Who knows? In a thousand years, even YOU may be worth something.”
Stamp see stupid thumpy-growly felguard shove lid back onto hole.
No. 19 (In the Dark)[edit | edit source]
Stamp grab torch. Stamp really need it now, without light from hole in ceiling.
Stamp friend shrieky-shouty gobble Gizmik Fazzle get out of pile of floppy-pepperminty foot thingies. "Are we safe now?" Gizmik ask. Stamp roll Stamp eyes. Stamp look over at Gizmik. Gizmik shrug. "What?" Gizmik ask.
Stamp hear little footsteps coming from all directions. More squeaky-wobbly albino gnomes!
"Hmm," Gizmik say, watching little squeaky-wobbly shadows form into dozens of squeaky-wobbly albino gnomes. "Guess that's a no, then." Gizmik jump up on Stamp back and cover Stamp eyes with Gizmik hands, shouting: "Don't worry, Stamp! I'll protect you!"
Stamp grumble. Stamp hand torch to Gizmik and say, "Protect THAT." Gizmik take one hand off Stamp eye to hold torch. Then Stamp grab hammer. Stamp get ready to hit and hit and hit squeaky-wobbly albino gnomes - but then squeaky-wobbly albino gnomes stop a few feet from Stamp and Stamp friend Gizmik. Squeaky-wobbly albino gnomes turn and run back into the shadows. Stamp look around. Gizmik ask, "Where are they going? What's happening, Stamp?"
Stamp shrug. "Stamp got bad feeling about this." Stamp see purple glowy light in big shiny gold box chamber. Stamp smell stinky eggs. Stamp friend Gizmik push torch toward hole in wall.
"WHO DARES PROFANE THIS PLACE OF POWER?" come a bellowing voice from the purple light. Stamp open mouth to answer. Wall explode out at Stamp and Stamp friend Gizmik.
Torch go dark. Stamp too.
No. 20 (New Perspective)[edit | edit source]
“WHERE IS IT?” Stamp hear voice boom and boom and boom through darkness.
Stamp open Stamp eyes. Stamp see purple hoof feet in front of Stamp eyes. Purple hoof feet seem to be stuck to ceiling, except ceiling got floppy-squishy foot thingies dangling in piles, and Stamp not think floppy-squishy foot thingies dangle from the ceiling like that.
Stamp a little dizzy.
Stamp try to move Stamp arms. Stamp not able to move them. Stamp look down at Stamp arms. Stamp see Stamp tied with rope. Stamp see past Stamp arms to floor, except floor look like ceiling of the Well of the Scholls.
“WHERE IS IT?”
Stamp figure out that Stamp tied to pole and upside down. Stamp see shouty-crackly demon loom in front of Stamp. Stamp still a little dizzy. Stamp tell stupid shouty-crackly demon: “Stamp not know what stupid shouty-crackly demon shout about.”
“THE ARKODAKOBENANT! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH IT?”
“Oh,” Stamp say. “Stamp not got stupid shiny box.”
“WHO DOES, THEN?”
Stamp shrug upside-down. “Stupid cackly-burny not-deader warlock Rote.”
Shouty-crackly demon lift eyebrows over glowy eyes. Shouty-crackly demon lean close to Stamp and grin. Stamp smell bad eggs again. “HEIRONYMOUS ROTE?”
“TWO BIRDS WITH ONE STONE, THEN.” Shouty-crackly demon bust out laughing. Stamp not sure what so funny, but Stamp not mind. Stamp glad shouty-crackly demon got problem with stupid cackly-burny not-deader warlock Rote too. “HE MAY LET YOU LIVE.”
Stamp grunt. “Who?”
“MY MASTER,” shouty-crackly demon answer. Shouty-crackly demon point down, except really up, toward ceiling of Well of the Scholls. Stamp hear grinding of dirt and stone. Stamp see purple-blue light come in through ceiling. Stamp see thumpy-growly orc warlock in black robes look up-except-down through hole.
“I am called Yamod the Black,” thumpy-growly orc warlock say as thumpy-growly warlock drop into Well of the Scholls to land light on the ground next to shouty-crackly demon. “But you, Stamp Bloodhoof, may call me…Master.”
No. 21 (Never Too Late)[edit | edit source]
Stamp wake up in dark, smelly cell. Stamp hands and hooves shackled to mossy rock wall. Stamp grunt. Stamp not like. Stamp grumpy. Stamp look to Stamp left. Stamp see stupid shrieky-shouty gobble Gizmik Fazzle. Stamp friend Gizmik also got shackles. Stamp look to Stamp right. Stamp see stupid cackly-burny not-deader warlock Rote. Stupid cackly-burny not-deader warlock also got shackles.
"Oh, shut up," stupid cackly-burny not-deader warlock Rote tell Stamp. "Like YOU fared any better."
"Stamp try to do job," Stamp say. "Stupid not-deader bring Yamod the Black to stop Stamp. Stamp very angry. Stamp need to hit."
Purple sparks spew from not-deader warlock fingertips. "Give it your best shot, bull-moose. We'll see who does the most damage."
Stamp just want to get stupid box for stupid people. Stamp not want anything to do with not-deader warlock or demons or evil demon masters. Now, though, Stamp mostly just want to go home.
"Stamp want to leave," Stamp say.
Not-deader warlock Rote snicker.
Shrieky-shouty gobble friend Gizmik shake head. "Join the club, Stamp. Yamod the Black's got other plans."
"Oh?" Stamp ask.
Gizmik nod. "He's going to open the Arkodakobenant. We're supposed to watch."
"That all?" Stamp ask.
Gizmik blink. "It'll probably kill us, if we're lucky."
Gizmik shrug in shackles. "It'll turn us into slobbering undead monstrosities that Yamod the Black can bed to his will."
"Oh," Stamp say.
Stupid cackly-burny not-deader warlock grin. "I've got other plans too."
Stamp and Stamp friend Gizmik turn to look at Rote. Rote turn face to look at mossy wall. Mossy wall explode. Stamp see another Tauren stomp over rubble. Tauren got glowy blue eyes and black armor and rune-carved sword. Stamp mouth fall open. Stamp think glowy-eyed Tauren look a lot like Stamp.
"He doesn't talk much," stupid cackly-burny not-deader warlock say. "But he is quite useful. Aren't you, Hoofbled?"
"Time to go," Rote say.