- - by Razas
Chapter 6: Sports!
We re-enter the burning city of Stratholme to find Alex ambling up to a ramshackle... erm... shack. What? I'm the narrator. Cut me some slack! I'd like to see you do this.... shut up. No, you can't do it. Anyway, Alex, take it away...
Alex: Bloody Narrators....
Alex knocks on the door, and Albert, wearing a Black and Silver beer cap, with the letters DD printed on the top, pops his head out.
Albert: Dear Arthas, Alex, you're over an hour late! You missed the first half already!
Alex: First half of what? All you said was to get over to your house as soon as possible. Knowing you, I want to delay that as long as possible.
Albert: Hardy har, Alex. Get in here, Fred's probably still wandering around, cheering for the Razors.
Albert hustles Alex into the shack, and Alex blinks at all the Red and Silver sports stuff, each with the symbol DD on it. Tony is sitting on a bench, popping an eyeball into his mouth every so often from the bowl of eyeballs on a table. A large crystal ball sits against the wall, displaying a commercial for Winterfall Firewater.
Tony: Yo, Alex, glad you could make it to the game.
Alex: Game? What game?
Jeff:*Calling from another room in the house* Albert, where's the Winterfall Firewater? I'm goddamn thirsty! Oh, Hey Alex!
Albert: It's towards the back of the icebox, next to the severed heads, behind the Type O blood! Arthas darn it, Alex! Its only the most important sports day of the year! Slaughterball Super Series!
Alex: I.... don't follow sports, much.
Jeff: Got it! *he walks back in, and plops down on the bench, with a mug of Winterfall Firewater.
Albert smacks a palm to the side of his face.
Albert: You're hopeless, I swear, Alex. Stratholme Death Dealers against the Blackrock Razors! Only the biggest game of the year?!
Alex, turning a shade of purple: Erm... well... Nope. Sorry. Haven't heard of it.
Tony: Guys, guys! Second half is starting!
Announcer from the crystal ball. The voice sounds like an Ogre mage... one of those two headed ones.
Snock: Hello, and welcome to the Second half of the Slaughterball Super Series. I'm your host, Snock and with me is Brock! We're here at the Gordunni Dire Maul Arena, and things are beginning to look bad for the Death Dealers! General Drakkisath and the rest of the Razors have put a major hurting on the DD's.
Brock: Agreed, Snock. The Razors pulled a major foul earlier in the first half by cutting off Rivendare's legs, but it seems to have hurt the Death Dealer's more than the Razors. The Razor's are playing a man down, but it wasn't any of their star players. Rivendare was the unbeating heart of the Death Dealers, and only the star rookie Nerub'Ankah and the veteran "Lightning" Drake of the old Blackguard are left to lead the team.
Snock: Very much so, Brock. If it wasn't for the poor showing by Ramstein the Gorger at defender, I think the Death Dealer's might have a chance.
Jeff: Gorger sucks! I could defend the goal better than him!
Albert: He's got the girth, but he just doesn't have the speed to match some of Drakkisath's throws. And today I think he's just been choking. But Drake can pull off a miracle. Its been done before.
Tony: I dunno, man. The only way they can win now, I think, is if they pull off a full body score. And that's only been done twice in the history of slaughterball.
Albert: Stop being such a pessimist, Tony. Hold up, looks like they dropped the gnome in.
The four turn back to the game, as the looming General Drakkisath seems to sneer at the Blackguard skeleton before him. A sproing is heard, and suddenly a gnome lands in between the two. Drakkisath makes a quick grab at the gnome, as does "Lightning" Drake. Drakkisath moves faster, and grabs the head of the gnome, while Drake manages to get the legs. A ripping sound is heard, and the gnome is torn apart, but Drakkisath keeps moving with a death grip on the gnome's head.
Snock: And Drakkisath is plowing through the Death Dealer's lines! He tosses the gnome to Blazath, the Chromatic dragon forward, and Blazath rushes through. Blazath isn't being stopped by no man, and Drakkisath is moving faster than Drake can keep up with. Blazath tosses the gnome back to Drakkisath....
The Dragonkin snickers as he catches the gnome's head, and roars in contempt at the Gorger. He heaves, and throws the Gnome's head right at the Gorger with all of his might.... and the head passes through the Gorger's putrid flesh, and into the goal.
Brock: Drakkisath scores with an amazing pitch right through Ramstein! Holy cow, that thing must have had some heat on it!
Snock: We're getting readings now.... Drakkisath pitched that head at .... holy cow, 195 miles an hour.
Brock: Thats a new personal record for Drakkisath, I believe.
Snock: I think so, Brock. We're at a score of 24 to 10 now. Remember the rules of slaughterball, when one team gets to 25, no matter what it's game over.
Brock: Looks like Maleki's called a time out for his team. Maleki's radical strategies have helped the Death Dealer's out of tight spots before, but this one seems nearly impossible.
Snock: Agreed, Brock. But I wouldn't put anything past the old coach now.
The Death Dealers line up again, and Drakkisath again sneers at the Blackguard. The Blackguard tenses... a sproing is heard, and another gnome begins to fall in between them. Just as the gnome hits the ground, it disappears. Drakkisath snorts, and looks around. He sees in the air that the Blackguard has the gnome, in perfect condition, screaming his little head off. Drake is flying backwards, towards his own lines.
Brock: Well, Drake has the gnome, and its in good condition.. wonder what they... hold up, their huddling. Can't see what's going on...
5 of the Scourge huddle around Drake, including Nerub'Ankah. Drakkisath and the rest of the Razors begin plowing through the lines, eager to finish the game.
The Scourge unhuddle, and there seems to be a massive amount of webs around 4 of the Scourge, and Drake is on Nerub'Ankah's back....
Snock: Unbelievable... Nerub'Ankah has made a web Catapult!
Drake roars, and Nerub hisses back. Nerub releases the webs he is holding on to, pitching Drake up and over the lines of the Razors. He gets to the defender, and pitches the gnome toward the right upper corner of the goal. The orc tries to grab the gnome... but misses. The gnome has been screaming his head off the entire time.
Snock: AMAZING! The Death Dealers put in a full body goal! That's 15 points! Death Dealers win! Death Dealers win!
Jeff, Albert, and Tony all have their mouths hanging open wide eyed in shock.
Albert: What I tell you! What I tell you! Drake did it! HAHAAHA!
Jeff: Holy Arthas! Is that even.... wow.... jeez! hahaha! We woooon!
Albert, yelling out: SUCK IT FRED! Death Dealer's Rule, RAZOR'S .... hmmm....
Albert, still yelling: YEAH! DROOL! BOO YAH FRED!
Tony: HA! Great game!
Alex: I still have no idea what's going on.... oo, gnome Kabobs!
Alex starts popping gnome Kabobs in his mouth.
Albert gets up on the table, and starts dancing. "We wiiin, We wiiiin... Oo yeah."
All three: Gah, Albert! My eyes! They burn! That's a mental image that's not going to go away easily....
We begin to fade out of the city of Stratholme, when one last voice is heard.
Tony: Ah, finally! More cheerleaders! This is the only reason I watch the game!
*various groans, and a few laughs.*
End The Ghouls Chapter 6: Sports!