Exodar Mission to Stormwind Logbook

''The following was posted to the Hand Of Argus central mission data collection system April 18, and has been translated from the original Draenish excepting where no polite common translation exists. The translator has done his best to maintain the tone of the original missive.''

GNOMES ARE THE MOST ANNOYING RACE IN THE UNIVERSE.

I make this assertion despite not having met every race in the universe, simply because it is not possible for me to conceive of a race that is more annoying. I have met and fought with Man'ari Eredar and can say with some confidence that, while the Eredar are more dangerous, at least they do not waste your time with foolishness before attempting to kill you.

I have come to this conclusion due to the interference of one of these creatures during my contribution to Operation Yeltsin last night translator's note: 'Yeltsin' is a Draenish term meaning 'fat, drunken oaf']. I delivered my report to our Cenarion Circle liaison and began the Operation, but was consistently interrupted by one such gnome referring to himself by some УЖАСНЫЙ ridiculous name with five parts. 'Fizzlepocket Ricardo Montalban Tweek' or something of the like. The gnome spent the entire time futilely, and loudly, attempting to engage in sexual relations with a human woman sitting by my position, despite her obvious disinclination to do so. At one point he ran off and returned covered with various kinds of Azeroth-creature blood, apparently thinking this would make him more attractive to her. He also attempted to engage in relations with other females entering and exiting the establishment, leading me to believe that his is a race of man-НЕРЯХА.

The situation only devolved when another such gnome entered the establishment and apparently asserted his territorial rights to the human female in question. Despite our indoor surroundings, and despite my obvious desire for a quiet drink, heated words were exchanged loudly and the two gnomes engaged in what I can only describe as a dominance ritual. Magic and shots from one of these Azerothian rifles were exchanged, to no apparent reaction from the female in question. Eventually, the antics of these gnomes led to setting fire of the establishment, forcing an evacuation and the destruction of much alcohol.

As I say. Very. ЧЕРТОВСКИ. Annoying. I must now locate a new establishment for practice of Operation Yeltsin in the Stormwind Sector. Am requesting permission to attack gnomes on sight, or at least on their opening their mouths. [Request Denied-- Vindicator Boros]

In all other aspects, Operation Yeltsin proceeds apace, though with some investment of effort required. That which the humans call 'beer' is much closer to water and thus not ideal for this task. Dwarf Ale is more suitable for the job, but also has approximate consistency and density of liquid bread, making it difficult to consume in sufficient quantity. Moonberry Wine is effective, but not readily available on my expense account (perhaps an increase of such would be in order?) [Request Denied-- Vindicator Boros]. For the moment, I have been persuading barkeeps in establishments in Stormwind City and the Human settlements of Goldshire and Darkshire to stock supplies of Karabos Vodka, to some success, and this is of course very suitable for the task. Already I have convinced a number of Stormwind citizens of my inability to remain conscious under influence and have as such through incautious utterings uncovered a number of intriguing leads to investigate, including the apparent existence of a Gnomish Black Market and a coven of human warlocks below the Slaughtered Lamb tavern in Stormwind. I will continue my activities as needed.

In related reports, I have some empirical evidence that the force of Gravity on Azeroth is stronger than on Draenor and that the Kingdom of Stormwind is home to carnivorous trees, as I saw one eat a succubus piece by piece last night. I will investigate further at a later date. In addition, I am unhappy to inform you that the hangover cure developed by Hand alchemists has proven woefully ineffective.

In summary, gnomes are very irritating and criminal and more taverns in the Kingdom of Stormwind need to carry vodka. I will follow up when I have more to report.

--Maimon Ben'Moshe, Agent of the Hand third class