Paedus

From the words of Fizzlepocket:

Paedus was the Fattest Man in Azeroth. He was a Clerk of Stormwind before he died of a heart attack. The Paedus is a food named after him. It's sausage filled with cheese, topped with bacon, ham, some other meats I'm probably forgetting, and deep-friend

It started out as a Crimson Hounds Brigade in-joke inspired by the "Gutbuster" that I suggested to Dugald when he was looking for a disgusting food stuff that could be used to remember Paedus; the Gutbuster having originated in an episode of Malcolm in the Middle where Lois is completely out of action when her back gives out on her, leaving Hal to take care of the kids.

That is, it was a Gutbuster, before I completely ran with it and made it into a whole other beast entirely.

Nim got the first part right, Paedus was an AWESOME clerk who was always running around drinking tea and eating biscuits almost compulsively. As it happened, when he died the Pig and Whistle's barkeep Lohan decided to make the meal that Paedus requested on a day to day basis available to the public as simply the "Paedus" in order to remember the late clerk.

Now, the Gutbuster as it was, it was just a piece of sausage wrapped in bacon, injected with cheese and deep fried, served in a bun. That's it.

The PAEDUS, meanwhile, is a sausage--a bratwurst to be specific--which is wrapped in four kinds of bacon from nine kinds of animals (which ones, use your imagination) leaving no piece of the sausage visible at all (there's like 5 layers of bacon around the entire thing for good measure), and then it's injected with a melted cheese mixture of 10 different kinds of cheeses. There's swiss, cheddar, provolone, bleu cheese, monterey jack, muenster, a smoked cheese (undecided) and three other cheeses that are left to the player's imagination depending on how vile they want it to be.

It is impaled with a stick like a corndog, and then dipped into a thick batter. The exact primary ingredient is a mystery, but it's quite sweet, and some assume it's generally honey based. It is then deep-fried for an unspecified amount of time until it's a nice golden brown, and whatever's supposed to be dead in it is quite dead.

Y'with me so far?

Then it's pulled out, slathered in onions (Which kind is left to the player's imagination again to how vile or delicious they want it to be) dipped into a vat of lard and butter, then it's covered in even more batter and deep fried a second time, until THAT layer is a golden brown.

On that note, I like to announce that Mr. Lohan, feeling that the immensely greasy snack wasn't moist enough, now rolls the Paedus after the second frying in some ranch dressing, though it can be requested not to (but it's done by default). His reasoning was "that Paedus would've wanted it this way." Remind Calithos when you see him, since he seems to be the only other guy in Stormwind besides Fizzlepocket that actually makes a point of eating the damn things through emotes.

It is served on a paper plate which accentuates just how damn greasy it is by the plate literally falling apart when you try to pick the plate up.

If that wasn't enough deep fried goodness, it's then served with a massive mound of your choice of curly fries or onion rings and a cold beverage for 12 silver and 50 copper.

You can super-size it for a silver more.

<3

It's one of the Pig and Whistle's highest selling lunch-time items, and Fizzlepocket has this to say about it.


 * If that wasn't enough, they even run an eating contest to try to top Paedus' record, which was 34 Paeduses in a single hour. Granted, he went on for about 41 that day (Hey, the guy's dead, let him be a hero.), but Lohan decided 34 was enough.  Besting the record can get you a 10 gold reward, a free meal, and a spot on the Wall of Gluttons.  One one person has ever come close to the record but his heart too died out on him at around 33.  Fizzlepocket is currently up there at 29 and a half and he fully intends to beat that record one day.


 * So, the next time you're in the Pig, feel free to order a Paedus. They'll know what you're talking about.


 * "If y’don’t feel yer heart stop, it ain’t a Paedus!" 


 * -Fizzlepocket, The Paedus Lorekeeper.